Shreddies lets it out without the smell

I must have lived under a stone for hearing about the anti flatulence underwear, since they’re old news already (since 2013). Or maybe it’s just because I wasn’t interested since I’m a girl, and everybody knows that girls don’t fart. Ok, there are some extreme cases of burrito, beans and cabbage, when a delicate poof! exhales from a lady’s posterior, but that smells like roses. Sorry to spoil this to you, if you’re a teenage boy with a crush on that chick who never looks at you, but she farts. And it stinks. And it sounds just as loud as yours, if not worse. And the odor is even more terrible.

Before I almost started to rant on how this is such a big hipster bullshit that only people with self esteem below sea level would byte, while documenting about it, I found out they’re actually designed with a  much more noble purpose. The concept of anti flatulence underwear started out as a prototype in 2006 as solving some of the embarrassing problems associated with gastrointestinal conditions such as Crohn’s, colitis and irritable bowel syndrome. The underwear are layered with a material used in the army industry to mask smells 200 times stronger than the common fart. The miracle material is called Zorflex. Shreddies incorporated this material in their underwear and even nightwear (yes, that’s anti fart pajamas) and in 2013 launched the collection for the whole market. The only issue with this quirky item is the fact that even though the smell is gone, the sound remains. Fortunately the Angel from Quirk Heaven has some suggestions on what to do if you also want to muffle it:

  • cough, however watch out as this amplifies it and may come out with more than just… air
  • sit on something soft, poufy. Just like shooting someone through a pillow, come on, you know the drill
  • drop it like it’s hot. Literally. Any object like a heavy book or your keys. Just make sure to syn-chro-nize (this requires practice)
  • in an elevator – again, precision is key. Let it slowly go in sync with the elevator bells. One. Bit. Every. Beep. If the elevator is full, you’re in luck, there’s a higher chance of noise and chatter
  • have a good joke prepared. This must be previously tested as a guaranteed laugh generator. Make sure it’s short enough so you wouldn’t need to keep the doors closed for too long. Nobody likes that
  • in the pool: start making bubbles with your hand or feet – Oh, look at all the pretty bubbles! Actually I don’t think these undies are efficient in water because physics, better watch out for this one
  • make your armpit “fart”: if you can’t do it for real, even better! The sound of the real thing will magically appear as coming from there

Keep in mind again that the anti flatulence underwear block just the smell, but not the sound of thunder 😉

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